Lessons of a bartender

We were sharing the big screen tv with some regulars at the Inn to watch the game and as our game faces changed we also observed those that regularly attend.  Regular attendees.  Members and supporters of the place.  The time reminded me of some thoughts I have had over the years regarding church and the parishioners that attend.

 Years ago I read a book by Charles Swindoll where he wrote (with massive interpretation and paraphrasing) that the bartender is one individual that really understand the congregation of the bar.  People will spill their guts at the bar and to the bartender more than they ever will to their pastor.  I raised this statement in one of my classes at the U.  You have to understand that the majority of the class members were pastors and only 2 of us were lay.  The idea expressed by this author and preacher was not taken lightly. 

I have had an opportunity or two to talk to bartenders about this opinion and both verified that for the most part they know more about each regular customer than their friends and spouses. For one spoke of being a listener and that would be the difference between the pastor and the bartender.  The bartender would be more apt to ask a question or two to get clarification or get the person to better explain what was happening.  Whereas the pastor maybe listens but is prepared to have an answer, that biblical response.  But has the pastor listened? 

Back to class, you have to also understand the courses we were taking were to break down and highlight what ministry really is. Some take on the role of pastor without considering all the other duties and activities that a church has, especially the small congregations.  So in our discussion of this writing it was revealed by a few of my classmates that maybe they really didn’t know their people.  What are their passions, what teams to they like, what causes them frustration, and what really bothers them. 

That is when we opened up in class, taking the role of listener and hearing what each and every class mate had to deal with, without the ready answer based on 1^st Hesitations. Took some time.

While teaching a course in Albuquerque I visited a church of the denomination and noticed that the pastor and members would have a pub meet.  The idea was to meet at a different pub every other week for people to bring unchurched friends to and sit around talking and listening.  The bi-weekly events were successful and I met an individual that started coming to the church because of this activity.

Asking why and referring to Swindoll’s point the discussion was that people do open up in settings they feel safe.  All one has to do is listen to the people that are there.  When people feel that you are truly listening and showing honest empathy these folk will tend to seek out what this strange congregation has to offer. 

The church we have been attending this summer has a Tuesday morning with the pastor that allows people to attend and just talk.  One gets to know who the person is that you shook hands with Sunday morning in a setting like this.  Funny how sitting around a table drinking coffee or depending if you are in Albuquerque at the pub.  The same can be said about playing golf.  You can learn a lot about a person on the course.  No barriers, no curtains. 

Maybe we need to take a lesson from a bartender and learn to listen more before we “preach”.